Troll-Proofing Your Armor
Taking offense, great books, performing, and giving criticism.
Howdy! If you’re new around here, welcome to Traipsing About, my newsletter about reclaiming creativity and ditching tired personal paradigms. No ChattyGPT bots around here—this newsletter is typed by human fingers.
Also, that new newsletter header image above is drawn by yours truly—any thoughts on it?
I’m loving the early summer vibes in Oregon. Camping trips with friends, including biking plus adventure bocce ball (aka hucking them around in the woods). Back home, our garden is cranking out tasty arugula and the quail flutter about our backyard. Life is good.
This week’s flashback:
If this were 1810 on the Astor expedition, I’d write this newsletter and hand it to the sea expedition leader, Captain Thorn. He’d sail all the hell and gone around South America, pick up some Hawaiians, and finally land in what is now Astoria, Oregon in 1812. Even later, the bedraggled land expedition would arrive.
Barely a 1.5 year delay! (No wonder people treasured letters.) Good thing this isn’t a current events newsletter.
This week on Trolling About, Edition #134:
Today, we’re jumping into taking (and giving) criticism, plus some odds and ends:
Don’t be offended.
Book recommendations.
How much RAM to use while performing.
Rules for criticizing something.
Traipsing Tidbits.
ICYMI: Last time, I wrote about rules of happiness, making decisions, and amateur presenting.
Don’t be offended
One of the most useul traits in love and in life: be nearly impossible to offend.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
This brings to mind a wise friend who shared “letting down your armor” as a way to deal with criticism. As he described it, there should only be certain people to whom you extend the courtesy of opening yourself up to feedback. Otherwise, any arrow or lance strikes ping harmlessly away while you do your thing.
Anyone else simply lives in the land of “I give a baboon’s fart what you say.” This is because they a) don’t know you or your values and real intentions b) certainly haven’t earned the right to dump all over whatever idea or project you’re partaking in.
This has helped me with online writing, especially when I guest post on other sites where trolls sometimes lurk ominously in the shadows with their arrows and lances. Sniff baboon farts, trolls!
Summer book recommendations
I’m on a reading tear lately. Here are a few I’ve enjoyed, many recommended by you, inquisitive Traipsing reader!
The Way to Love and Awareness by Anthony deMello: Slow-digest reading that feels like hanging out with a wise sage. I made so many highlights! (Thanks Gordon.)
The Murderbot Diaries (thanks Liz!): an AI assassin hacks its system and decides it doesn’t want to kill people anymore. Surprisingly funny—many laugh-out-loud moments in these novellas. Pair with Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom by Cory Doctorow.
The Lincoln Highway by Amor Towles: A phenomenal novel. This book felt like rafting down a river in a beautiful place, carried away in the flow by a master of his craft. It’s by the author of A Gentleman in Moscow, another winner.
Books on playing music: The Musician’s Way by Gerald Klickstein, Effortless Mastery by Kenny Werner, and The Art of Practicing by Deline Bruser. Over the past year, these have helped me dial in my practice routine and develop a different mindset around performing (and mistakes!).
The Music Shop by Rachel Joyce: a delightful novel that I will let surprise you (thanks to another Liz, a reader mid-trip from Alaska to Patagonia in her van).
How to Be an Artist by Jerry Saltz: look no further if you’re seeking some inspiration and comaraderie in your artist pursuits. This summary is an excellent place to start.
How to perform
The following idea applies to any live performances we do, be it music, public speaking, or teaching:
Think of your comfort level as RAM in a computer. Say you have 8GB of capacity—aim to only use 2 out of 8 GB during a performance. No new material that isn’t settled! That gives you range to survive missing a couple of notes, stumbling on a phrase, or flubbing a line without getting overloaded.
-Via Traipsing reader Wes, who runs Tahoe Trail Bars.
This pearl of wisdom was like a beam of light from above for me. I’d been trying to perform new piano pieces at the limit of my skills versus mature, stable ones. This led to a lack of technical security—bobbling sections—when performing. Sticking with pieces in my wheelhouse helped a LOT and made it more fun too.
Keep it in a range that feels comfortable and don’t get fancy! Eventually the new piece will be an old friend that you know forwards and backwards.
Rules for criticizing something
The world (and certainly the internet!) would be a better place if we all followed social psychologist Anatol Rapoport’s rules for criticizing something:
You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way.”
You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement).
You should mention anything you have learned from your target.
Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism.
For #1, “steel manning” (vs. straw manning) is potentially even more powerful: re-express, and then build up, your opponent’s argument until they’re putting the brakes on things.
Traipsing About Tidbits
Note: none of these links are ever affiliate links, just stuff I use, enjoy or admire.
My friend Jono immediately blew through his funding goal with this sweet sling bag on Kickstarter, which is perfect for rock climbers who like organized bags and hate stinky shoes.
Google is serving up summary “AI results” now…and I hate them. This fixes it.
Poignant photos of people in the ocean around Fiji doing everyday tasks…underwater.
These baby penguins launching off a cliff in Antarctica is nature film at its finest.
From the Traipsing Archives: ditching the future telescope and being happy where (and when) you are.
Two quotes to ponder
To attain real happiness, humans need to slow down the pursuit of pleasant sensations, not accelerate it.
-Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Harari
“The nice thing about things that are urgent,” he liked to say, “is that if you wait long enough they aren’t urgent anymore.”
-The Undoing Project by Michael Lewis
The. End. (Of Traipsing About newsletter #134.)
This week’s unsolicited advice:
Think about the people you trust most…and only let down your armor with them. Don’t give your power away to the fart sniffers, online or in real life.
See you in a couple of weeks!
Dakota
P.S. Here’s to summer reading. (Thanks Jono.)
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Glad to hear that, Liz! Hope you two are having a ball down south.
Thanks for another great read and for giving me new things to consider. I’m glad you enjoyed my book suggestion!
Happy spring.