Decisions, Decisions: Hats, Haircuts, and Happiness
Rules of happiness, making decisions, and amateur presenting.
Howdy! If you’re new around here, welcome to Traipsing About, my newsletter about reclaiming creativity and ditching tired personal paradigms. No AI bots around here—I’m your all-too-human guide, Dakota.
This week’s flashback:
If this were 12th century Europe, I’d translate and transcribe this newsletter into couplets for troubadours to recount in court. From Barcelona to Marseilles to Milan, they’d sing Traipsing About for all ye lords and ladies, hopefully ending with a bawdy joke and a T. Rex mime act.
Instead, we’re sticking with boring old email today. At least it’s in English!
This week on Happying About, Edition #133:
Today, we’re jumping into some ways to be happy, be it via rules, decision making, or not falling flat on your face while presenting publicly. In short:
Rules for being happy.
Hats, haircuts, and tattoos.
The amateur presenter.
Traipsing Tidbits.
ICYMI: Last time, I wrote about memory dividends and how to practice (anything).
Rules of happiness
The article My 7 Rules for Happiness by learning expert Scott Young struck me.
Here are my favorite three:
Embrace the seasons of your life.
Every phase of life is a season that affords some possibilities and constrains others. Happiness is largely about maximizing the opportunities afforded by your current stage of life—and not despairing of the constraints.
Leaning into studying piano and languages during COVID is a prime example of this for me. By flowing with things vs. fighting the constraints (ok, fine, I’ve done some whining), I was far happier. Same with not being able to travel afar as much with Chelsea while our 20 YO cat Oliver enjoys his old age. There are still plenty of adventures and satisfying pursuits to be had in the US of A!
Striving is good, achieving is overrated
In other words, what you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.
Meet people more than halfway: aka SHOW UP
Be the one who reaches out to find time to meet. Be the one who congratulates and remembers important events. Be the one who is thoughtful and kind. When you aim to meet people more than halfway, you’re much more likely to connect in the middle.
This one rings SO true to me. I used to feel frustrated at needing to be the initiator in certain friendships, but now accept it’s simply the price of being friends with some people. It’s worth it!
Further reading: my post about using enthusiastic consent to decode life decisions.
Hats, haircuts and tattoos
Of course we want to be happy. But how in the name of Odin’s kneecap does one make a decision?!
Try using this criteria from James Clear:
I think about decisions in three ways: hats, haircuts, and tattoos.
🎩 Most decisions are like hats. Try one and if you don’t like it, put it back and try another. The cost of a mistake is low, so move quickly and try a bunch of hats.
💇♂️ Some decisions are like haircuts. You can fix a bad one, but it won’t be quick and you might feel foolish for awhile. That said, don't be scared of a bad haircut. Trying something new is usually a risk worth taking. If it doesn't work out, by this time next year you will have moved on and so will everyone else.
💉 A few decisions are like tattoos. Once you make them, you have to live with them. Some mistakes are irreversible. Maybe you'll move on for a moment, but then you'll glance in the mirror and be reminded of that choice all over again. Even years later, the decision leaves a mark. When you're dealing with an irreversible choice, move slowly and think carefully.
The amateur presenter
Given that public speaking still tops the “kill me first” list for most people, it’s definitely a happiness-reducer. However, the reality is that life sometimes calls for us to share our thoughts in a meeting, at a memorial, or for a dinner toast.
Unless you’re Tony Robbins or have studied public speaking the way Tomas Pueyo did, I bet you’ll find these tactics for doing well as an amateur presenter quite helpful:
Do you have something to say? If you don’t, stay home or stay quiet. Send an email.
Don’t apologize. Don’t apologize for being nervous, for not being professional. People aren’t paying ten grand to be there.
Find just one person. There’s a room with some people in it. Find one person and tell them your story. If other folks want to listen in, that’s fine.
Don’t memorize and don’t read. You’ve been telling stories your whole life. Tell another one!
This isn’t a performance. This is you sharing the change you’d like to make with ONE person sitting a few feet away from you.
Yup, it’s scary. But the audience is rooting for you! They want you to succeed. You’ve got this.
(Inspired by Seth Godin.)
Traipsing About Tidbits
Note: none of these links are ever affiliate links, just stuff I use, enjoy or admire.
🎹 No Dead Guys: for you piano enthusiasts, a website that highlights living composers. For you non-piano types (say what!?), check out Carboot Soul by Nightmares on Wax, a fun album my expat friend-in-Portugal Don recommended.
💌 PostSecret: people mail anonymous postcards with secrets they’ve never told. It’s worth watching this YouTube video with the “most extraordinary secrets.”
🍵 We can’t get enough of Teecino for a warm, hearty beverage, especially the mint chocolate and butterscotch cream.
🎨 I love the color and whimsicality of this drawing diary.
🚴♂️ The history of bikepacking: it astonishes me that people rode around the world in 1894 on single-speed bicycles. On what, burro trails?!
Quote to ponder
Happiness can be tasted alone. But permanent joy comes out of an enmeshed and embedded life. Happiness happens when a personal desire is fulfilled. Permanent moral joy seems to emerge when desire is turned outward for others.
-Via the excellent book The Second Mountain by David Brooks.
Traipsing About newsletter #133.
A question for the road:
🎩 Is there a hat or haircut decision you can try in May, perhaps attempting something you’ve always wanted to do? You can always take it off or let your hair regrow…
Onward!
Dakota
P.S It’s gardening season! Reminder to take it easy on partners who help.
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> Meet people more than halfway: aka SHOW UP
I really appreciate this about you. I catch myself overcomplicating reaching out to friends and am always stoked when I get that text to catch up.
> few decisions are like tattoos. Once you make them, you have to live with them.
Hi, perfectionist here, I couldn't possibly get a tattoo unless it's the perfect tattoo with the perfect meaning. While I understand and agree with some of what James is getting at, I wonder how many people need to hear the opposite. Really stewing in big decisions often keeps me in inaction. I care too much what future Brad or other people will think about that tattoo, I ask too many "what ifs" and discount my ability to make the most of a situation and carry on. There are very few (if any) "mistakes" in my life I truly regret. They are all lessons and I appreciate who I've become through these experiences.
Dakota, I just want to say that I always enjoy reading Traipsing About and I typically learn something plus get a tip or two that I can use. Love your writing. Thank you. Judy